Most of us have those things, maybe multiple things, in our lives that aren’t exactly “social media status worthy”. Those things that make us feel less than, or like the odd one out. I think we all can agree that our influencer-status and media-driven world doesn’t always represent a little something that I like to call reality. What we often see or hear about the lives of others doesn’t often leave space for different ways of thinking, living, or for any unexpected or out-of-the-ordinary life circumstances.
As human beings, we have a need to feel connected, to see the similarities between each of us. In turn, those similarities help us to feel closer, possibly linked to one another. It can be difficult for us to admit when we can’t relate to another person’s circumstances. We don’t want to come off as ignorant, inexperienced, or somehow less than by not being able to relate to someone else’s situation or ideals. So, is that why we continually catch ourselves playing that never-ending and never-satisfying comparison game? I am asking myself this, as well, since I can be just as guilty of this as the next.
Your Life Should Look Like This. False. Your Life Should Look Like Your Life.
Knowing that we are human and therefore each vastly different, we need to keep in mind that just because we have experienced something in a certain way or are able to live out a certain lifestyle, our normal is not everyone’s normal. The choices I make and the reasons behind them are not the choices every other person is going to make, and vice versa. And yes, even though all of us are connected in such a multitude of beautiful ways, we are still all very different as well. We are all unique. All possess different attributes, interests, gifts, and abilities. Everyone’s history is different. Everyone’s path is different.
So why do we continually compare ourselves to each other? Why do some of us get into the habit of believing that our lifestyle and experiences must be the norm or what should be the reality for all? On the other hand, why do some of us believe that if our lives differ from what is believed to be “normal” that we are somehow living life wrong?
My Personal Normal Isn’t Yours, and That’s Fine
Personally, I could speak into this in a multitude of areas. Finances, career, and personal health to name a few. What I have decided to share with you today is in regard to my pregnancies. I have been very blessed to have two successful pregnancies, although in both I dealt with a rare pregnancy disease called Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG).
I’ve chosen to share this with you, first and foremost, in hopes that it may help anyone else facing HG to know that they are not alone. As well as to illustrate the need to look toward positive solutions, even when surrounded by those not understanding your circumstances. And finally, as a reminder to myself (and others if it is needed) to always consider that our path is not everyone’s and that it is completely fine to offer prayer or other forms of help or encouragement, even if we cannot relate to or fully understand what others are going through.
HG is rare enough that the exact cause is still relatively unknown and there are some doctors (usually in less populated areas) that don’t see it often. This disease is specifically tied to the placenta, an organ that a woman’s body creates during pregnancy, that provides nutrients and oxygen to the baby. HG is a very extreme form of morning sickness, in which the mother is continuously ill, sometimes vomiting 30-50 times a day, no exaggeration! This causes severe dehydration, rapid weight loss, weakness, and fainting. If not treated properly, HG can lead to pre-eclampsia (severely high blood pressure), preterm delivery, and underweight infants.
With both of my pregnancies, I was very blessed to be able to identify HG quickly and begin, starting Week 5, to get the extra care that I needed. However, even with PICC lines, daily infusions, and in-home care, my pregnancies and recovery afterwards were both very difficult and out-of-the ordinary.
Throughout my pregnancies, I would consistently get comments such as, “Well, if you just try this”, “This is what you should be experiencing in your pregnancy”, “This is what your body is going to look like during and after pregnancy”, “These are going to be your symptoms.”. For the sake of my own mental health, I had to get off social media. I had to stop discussing pregnancy with other mothers. I had to stop reading “What To Expect In Your Pregnancy” type literature. I couldn’t relate to anything or anyone that had a more “normal” experience and started to resent those assumptions that my pregnancy should follow a certain protocol or look exactly like so many others.
I understand that many of these comments and thoughts were not meant to be harmful or discouraging. In fact, I think most were hoping to be helpful. But to be told, so many different times and in so many different ways by those that had not experienced HG themselves, that something was wrong with me because my pregnancies didn’t look a certain way or that I could “fix” the issue if I just tried this or that, was frustrating and hurtful. I would have much rather had others just say or think, “Oh I haven’t experienced anything like that. I’ll pray for her.” instead of trying to “correct” what I was experiencing and replace it with what they knew to be “normal” or “right”. 
Respecting Our Different Circumstances and Appreciating Our Own
I believe we could all use an extra dose of reality sometimes, especially when it comes to understanding that every person, life, and lifestyle is different. The reality of someone else’s life, and moreover the “reality” that we see online, is not actual reality, or at least it may not be for you. And in case anyone hasn’t told you yet, that’s okay. You’re not meant to be that person. You’re not meant to live their life. You are meant to be you, to live your life, and experience things the way in which God hands them to you. Because He is working in you. The reasons you are here are different from everyone else’s, which is why you need to experience things in a different way. We shouldn’t feel inferior or in the wrong just because our life doesn’t look like the person next to us.
What is important, status or soul? What we look like to others, or what we have to offer others?
When things look different for you, then ask yourself what you can learn from those differences. Ask God to show you ways in which this could make a positive change for you. How could this make you better and more ready for the next step? Continue to have faith in yourself through your own normal ups and downs. Appreciate your circumstances, for what they are and for who they have shaped you to be; stronger, smarter, more prepared, understanding, independent, etc.
Each of our lives are affected by so many different things. Having an open mind and an underlying understanding of our differences, in beliefs, finances, career choices, relationships, parenting, health, and overall life experiences in general, can be a huge eye opener. There will always be times when we each need to put extra thought into how we may or may not come off to our audience. Just because one of us experiences something one way, doesn’t mean everyone else will experience the same. That is normal and okay. Go live your life and make the best of it.
Thanks, friends. I wish you joy.
